Ladies, I inevitability your opinion (about orgasm)!?
I need your opinions on the following 2 matter:
1. My girlfriend and I are both virgins (I'm 24, and she's 20), and we have decided to bring in love after we get married because we don't want to go against our Christian beliefs. We be discussing about sex, and I had a stray thought and told her "you know, I trully love you, and when we obtain married I will do anything to pleasure you all your life. I charge about your pleasure more than my own. I trully hope I will manage to cram techniques to delay my ejaculation so I will enjoy a lot more chance to get you orgasm every single time we make love."
Being the super worrying type that she is, she started to get worried and somehow depressive going on for it. She started to get so scared and wondered if I would ejaculate back she orgasms; she started worrying if our marriage would be boring, bla bla bla. I convinced her that it was merely my stray thought, and doesn't mean I wouldn't give her orgasm, but I couldn't come across to convince her. I even told her I would learn about her body as much as I can, and that I would swot up techniques to make sure I won't ejaculate prematurely. But she get annoyed about it, and she said she didn't like how I said the word "learn", because she expects me to furnish her an orgasm the very FIRST night we hold sex on our wedding day (we plan to obtain married in about 2 or 3 years). She also said she would solely like orgasm through intercourse, and not by my oralling or fingering her.
Then she started to cry (literally) >_<.
I feel really desperate now..I mean is it my scorn? First, I've never had sex, and it's natural that I call for to learn these things, I believe. Secondly, women differ from one to another anyway, so EVEN IF I successfully made a woman orgasm before, I reflect on I would still need to learn my girlfriend's body again, since everyone is different.
I aspiration she'd just relax a bit more.
2. As you are all aware of, if a man "go at it" when having sex, he will ejaculate prematurely, and that's not a good entry at all, because I know that we have to be considerate to our woman too. I have a sneaking suspicion that we (men) should learn how to delay ejaculation as much as possible, so that our private section stays hard longer, which means more kismet to give an orgasm to a woman.
Some delaying technique that I can think of:
- penetrating smaller quantity quickly
- trying other positions
- doing other forms of stimulations, such as with our fingers or mouth at the woman's clitoral nouns
- pretty much anything to delay ejaculation
but, I'm curious.if I perform the stoppage techniques above, would it still maintain her height of arousal? In other words, what if I delay and then her excitement go back to zero? Or is this not the satchel? Is women orgasm something that builds up over time, so that no matter if I delay, as long as I verbs the sex and stimulation (especially to her G-spot), she will eventually orgasm?
I know some of you will probably make fun of me for being a 24 year hoary virgin, in which case please don't reply to this thread. Sincere and honest opinion only please.
Thanks!
Answers: It's really sad that she know nothing about sex or her body, but expects you to be an expert the first time. MOST women do NOT own an orgasm through sexual intercourse. Some never have one. The ones that do, sometimes have to loaf until they are 30 or after they have their first baby. For women it requires direct almanac, oral, or toy stimulation to her clitoris..
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The first time can be painful when the hymen breaks upon penetration. There can also be some blood. Not adjectives girls bleed and not all have torment. I never bled but there was closely of pain.
For some, the first few times might make her surface sore, as it's been an unused muscle or even hurt if she's not properly lubricated, or her body isn't fully aroused or ready.
Relaxing, foreplay, (oral sex, more foreplay – touching, kissing, etc) mortal fully aroused or better yet, HER having an orgasm FIRST or using a lubricant close to KY-Jelly or Astro-Glide can help.
For you if it's a problem:
In general, practice and relaxation will relieve you deal with the problem. Some men try to distract themselves by thinking non-sexual thoughts (such as naming baseball players and records) to avoid becoming excited too brisk.
Some helpful techniques include the following:
Masturbate an hour or so until that time having sex.
The "stop and start" method:
This technique involves sexual stimulation until the man recognizes that he is going on for to ejaculate. The stimulation is then removed for about thirty second and then may be resumed. The sequence is repeated until ejaculation is desired, the final time allowing the stimulation to continue until ejaculation occur.
The "squeeze" method:
This technique involves sexual stimulation until the man recognizes that he is about to ejaculate. At that point, the man or his partner thoughtfully squeezes the end of the penis (where the glans meets the shaft) for several second, withholding further sexual stimulation for about 30 seconds, and next resuming stimulation. The sequence may be repeated by the person or couple until ejaculation is desired, the final time allowing the stimulation to continue until ejaculation occur.
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Buy the Joy of Sex, read all you can, search the internet going on for G-spot. But I'll tell you straight up, practice is what makes sex suitable, being emotional, intimately bonded near your partner, love, saftey and the willingness to learn what the other like before, during and after sex.
She has elevated expectations and is already setting you up for failure. Show her my answer and if she's not rethinking how she feels, convey her here:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rll... or here
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlp...
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Good luck, and I you guys will be able to wait. I respect you both for self true to your beliefs and waiting for marriage. Not a personal belief of my own, but still commendable.
It sounds like you're trying to be a devout guy here, but she might be a little unreasonable. No matter how much you love respectively other, the first time is most likely going to be awkward and a little dissapointing. Even if you are not a virgin the first time beside someone is not always the best. It takes time to cram what someone likes. And being a virgin herself she doesn't even know what she like yet. So she's being a short time unrealistic to think she'll orgasm the first time. She might, but unlikely.
Plus if she is really uptight or stressed about it, it deffinitely won't ensue. She needs to relax and realize you guys will have a lifetime of trying to digit out how to please each other.
As far as holding back go, you need to start training. And yes I am talking aboust masturbation. You obligation to feel what it's like to return with to the edge and stop yourself before you climax. Doing this also help builds the muscles that control orgasm. You can also work them by stopping to pee midstream. Once you get a feel for the right muscles you can even flex them while driving or sitting at work.
But close to anything else, being good at sex take work, practice, and a little knowledge. Good luck to you guys and purely tell her to relax and enjoy it. Good things come contained by time..
These two articles discuss having sex as a married couple. You can read them together before the big hours of darkness :)
How to Locate the G Spot During Sex- From Behind
http://www.ehow.com/how_4448654_locate-g...
How to Locate the G Spot During Sex- Missionary Position
http://www.ehow.com/how_4451153_locate-g...
Hope they answer your questions!.
Man you are sooo sweet. i have never hear a man be soo concerned about his partner during sex instead of yourself. With the way she react I would have become quite cracked she should be flattered. YOu did not deserve that and she seems very picky. I'm sorry you fell surrounded by love with someone that doesn't appreciate you as much as you do her. Good Luck because what ever you learn i know will aid satisfy her and tell her she should be more appreciative. Oh and i forgot to mention, roughly how much she is aroused. If you have her about to orgasm and stop her excitement shouldnt turn down. If anyhting it creates anticipation, but dont wait more than a couple minutes. Then when you start again it would be a prime time to give her an orgasm. Good luck again. Damn why do adjectives the good men have to be taken! speaking as a middle aged woman near experience.
1 vaginal penetration does not usually result in orgasm so she is not man reasonable.
2 if you do ejaculate prematurely there are other ways to thrill her.
3 she sounds like she is being a bt unreasonable. You are man concerned for her happiness and fulfillment and she is upset about that. That make no sence to me.
You sound like a drastically considerate and thoughtful man tell her not to worry sex isn't gonna begin for a couple years anyway.